Child Inclusive Meditation

What is Child Inclusive Mediation and why is it important?

Child Inclusive Mediation (“CIM”) is an opportunity for children to have their voices heard in relation to decisions being made about them, following parental separation or divorce, providing them with an element of autonomy within their parent’s separation/divorce. This can be achieved by the child meeting with a highly qualified and specially trained “child inclusive” mediator, who is there to listen to what the child has to say.

Children have a strong sense of what is important to them, they have their own opinions and certainly they can feel that any decisions being made about them should include them. This is why it is important for children’s voices to be heard, the principle of which is enshrined within Article 12 of the United Nations Convention on the Rights of Children. Article 12 provides that any child that is capable of the forming their own views has the right to the express them. Once expressed, those views will carry certain weight, depending upon the child’s age and maturity.

It is important for parents to understand that CIM is not about giving children the ability to make the decisions. It is a confidential process which enables children to speak freely about their wishes and feelings, so that their parents will fully consider that information when making decisions about them.

This can be particularly important when parents are seeking to resolve matters between themselves (with or without the help of solicitors and/or mediators), rather than through the courts. Within court proceedings, the children will be seen by a CAFCASS officer, who will report everything the children say to the court. Within CIM, it is completely confidential and the children control what information is relayed to their parents.

How old do the children need to be?

Any child who is capable of forming their own views should be able to express them, although in practice, a rule of thumb is that children should be aged 10. This, however, depends upon the maturity of the individual child. In addition, it may be appropriate for younger siblings to attend CIM with their older brother or sister, ensuring they do not feel left out. The mediator will carefully assess whether CIM is suitable for the children.

How does child inclusive mediation work?

Both parents must agree that their child can attend CIM, and the meeting is between the child and the mediator only. The parents do not attend. Once a child inclusive mediator has been identified, the parents will individually meet with the mediator. The mediator will use those meetings to determine whether CIM is appropriate for the child. There may be reasons why it would not be appropriate, for example if there are any safeguarding concerns, concerns about alienating behaviour or high levels of conflict.

If CIM can proceed, then, depending upon the age of the children, the parents will either arrange a time for the children to meet with the mediator, or for older children, the mediator may contact them directly. These meetings usually take place in a neutral setting (so not the home of either parent) and could be mediator’s office, the child’s school or possibly even online.

When could the children see a child inclusive mediator?

CIM could occur following the initial parental separation, during a subsequent divorce, or perhaps a number of years later, if parents cannot agree on a specific issue, for example, a change of school or holiday arrangements.

What happens when the child meets the mediator?

The mediator will reassure the children that the meeting is a safe and confidential space for them to talk about what is important to them. The children will understand that it is important that their voice is heard in relation to decisions being made about them, but that ultimately, the final decisions rest with their parents.

The mediator will listen to what the children have to say. They will not seek the child’s opinion about a specific issue and they will not ask the child to make any decisions.

As the sessions are confidential, it will also be up to the children what is reported back to their parents. This provides children with an element of autonomy throughout the process and helps to encourage the children to open up to the mediator about what is important to them and any concerns they may have.

The session with the mediator is an opportunity for the children to talk about whatever is on their mind. It could range from how they feel about their parents’ separation, which parent they prefer taking them to swimming lessons, worries about when they will get to see their friends, or whether they can have a set of PE kit at each parent’s house.

The child may have one or multiple sessions with the mediator, depending upon the individual circumstances of each family.

What happens after the CIM?

The mediator will report back to both parents, preferably at the same time, telling them only what the child has confirmed they can say. It may also be appropriate for the parents’ solicitors to attend that meeting, in a non-speaking, observing capacity only. This will ensure that both parents and their solicitors are hearing exactly the same feedback and there can be no misunderstandings about what was actually said. The feedback provided will only ever be verbal. Written reports or letters are not available.
It is then for the parents to consider their children’s voices through what they have been told by the mediator, with the aim of moving forward to reach an agreement about the arrangements for the children.

As the nature of the CIM sessions are confidential, the information arising from those sessions can never be referred to by the solicitors in correspondence. Nor can the court be made aware of this information either, should court proceedings arise. This should give the parents and the children a sense of security and help them build trust in the process, as they will not be worrying that anything said will be brought up in court.

CIM can make a positive impact upon how parents navigate arrangements and decisions concerning their children, but most importantly, it gives the child a voice and enables them to be part of the process.

If you would like to discuss matters relating to your children, or child inclusive mediation in particular, then please contact us.