It takes a team

Getting divorced is a stressful life event.  Previous clients have likened it to grief and riding a non-stop rollercoaster of emotions, with the practical implications being described as overwhelming.  In these big life moments, there are people who can help you, support you and guide you until you are on a more stable footing.

Physical break

Take breaking your foot for example, which is what happened to a member of our Bear Team a few weeks ago.  The damage was done (more a run of the mill incident than the result of an exciting adventure) and off to hospital one of our Mama Bears went.  During her time at A&E, she was triaged by a nurse, referred to a nurse in the fracture department, sent off to see a radiographer for an x-ray and assessed by doctor before being sent to yet another medical practitioner for a cast to be placed on said foot.  Follow-up appointments were made, more nurses seen, there was another visit to the radiographer and yet another practitioner was involved to remove the plaster cast and fit the boot.  And that is just the medical side of things.  There was also all the support from family and friends to make sure her children still got to school in clean uniform, the shopping was done, the dinner was made and again, the list goes on.  A lot of professional people were involved in the initial care and medical assistance of our Mama Bear, with support from family and friends thereafter.

Emotional break

When a relationship breaks down, it is an emotional life event, when family and friends will rally around.  The individuals involved, including children of the family, will need varying levels of support and professional help, depending upon their circumstances.  Generally, professional support for someone going through a divorce or separation is limited to just one person, a family law solicitor, when in fact a more holistic approach is usually required.

The team around you

A family law solicitor must be your starting point.  Everybody going through a divorce or separation should obtain specific legal advice, tailored to their particular needs and circumstances. With marriage or a relationship come intertwined finances, possibly in the shape of a house, a pension, investments or a business.  There may be children involved, and they must be put front and centre when considering how to move away from being a couple.  Knowledge regarding your options, whether it is in relation to your finances or children, must be a prerequisite to any decisions you make, so that you remain in control of what is happening now and what your future will look like.  

So, thinking about the team that you may need around you when going through a divorce or separation: it should start with a family law solicitor and may include advice from a pension expert or tax expert.  You could also seek assistance from a mediator to help you reach an agreement about finances and children and/or a parenting coach to help you navigate your transition to co-parenting.  Yes, you will be paying a fee for professional advice, but failing to do so could be more costly to you in the long run.  

A more holistic approach

You should also consider support to help you deal with the emotional fallout from your relationship breakdown, which should not be ignored or kicked down the road until the divorce/separation is final.  Well-meaning family and friends will be there to listen, which can be an invaluable support, but they are not able to provide objective or legal advice.  Family law solicitors are also compassionate, but they can be expensive.  Support from a counsellor or guidance from a divorce coach could be instrumental in helping you to move past the initial hurt and betrayal, so that you are in the right mind frame to make informed decisions about your future, rather than knee-jerk decisions based on fear and anxiety, which could cost you more in the long run.   Indeed, someone like this may be your first port of call, even before you see your solicitor.

Are you at that incredibly stressful point in your life where everything you know has shifted? This is when you need a team around you.         

Divorce/separation is not a battle to be fought and won.  It is a marriage/relationship that has ended, a life together that needs untangling and potentially new co-parenting skills to learn and manage. 

Just as someone who has broken their foot would not expect a nurse to place a bandage on the injury and think that was sufficient, neither should someone going through divorce/separation limit the help they seek to a family law solicitor.  It takes a team.

At Teelan & Silwal, we have contacts with many professionals who can help guide you and your family through your relationship breakdown. If you require any help or guidance, then please contact us.