Putting Children First

The Family Solutions Group (“FSG”) recently published their second report, entitled Putting Children First: The evolving role of the family law professional. This is undoubtedly a must-read report for all family law practitioners, which is forthright in its proposal that we, as family law professionals, must adapt the way in which we approach family law matters.

Family law practitioners have always worked towards what is in the best interests of the child, with the child’s welfare of paramount importance. But even within these principles, children still feel the full weight of parental separation and their voices are almost silent when it comes to adults making decisions about them.

The FSG is proposing that now is the time to reframe family separation as a problem-solving exercise, one that is investigative, safety-focused, and designed to come alongside families in difficulty, supporting families through this transition, rather than reverting to the traditional adversarial approach.  

Putting children first is exactly how the report starts, with a forward from Amelie (aged 17), who is a Youth Ambassador for the Children’s Commissioner. The forward from Amelie is compelling reading, in which she says:

“Children and Young people experience family separation in ways that are often unrecognised by those around them. Even when parents try to protect them from the details of what is happening, children still feel the tension, sense the conflict and notice the stress and heightened emotions within the home. They know something isn’t right long before anyone explains it to them. When legal professionals engage with parents in ways that heighten conflict or increase uncertainty, children feel the impact directly. Every conversation, every decision, and every professional interaction with a parent has a ripple effect on the child at the centre. For this reason, legal practise cannot solely focus on the adult parent; It must also recognise both the emotional and practical consequences for the children whose lives are being shaped by the changes taking place in their family.”

Parental conflict and the risk to children

Thanks to the increase in specific research, our understanding of child welfare is increasing, and we are ever more aware of the impact of conflict upon children and their development, the consequences of which can continue to be felt well into adulthood.

It is important to understand that it is not the separation of parents that is of main concern. Rather it is the protracted, unresolved conflict between the parents that can have harmful consequences for children, both in the short and long term. That longevity of conflict can cause the harm, regardless of whether you, as a parent, have a positive relationship with your child.

Continuing conflict between parents can place a child at risk. Those risks have the potential to impact upon children’s mental and physical health, education, behaviour, friendships and often leads to smoking and substance abuse. Longer term consequences into adulthood of unresolved parental conflict can manifest as poor future relationships, reduced academic attainment, poor employability, smoking and substance abuse, a potential increase in violent tendencies, depression and anxiety.

Of the professionals responding to the FSG survey, 94% agree or strongly agree that they should have a responsibility to mitigate conflict between separating parents.

Parents instinctively know that conflict can cause harm, but we cannot assume that parents are fully aware of all the implications for their children, or indeed that they attach enough weight to those factors when making decisions about their children. The FSG recommendation is that all family law practitioners should advise their clients of the impact of unresolved conflict, which will need to be handled with sensitivity.

Advising clients in this regard is not meant to undermine or scare them, but rather to support parents to resolve matters, without prolonged conflict and potentially to act as a measure of accountability when decisions are made about and for the children.

Let the children’s voices be heard

Children should no longer be expected to tolerate being seen but not heard. The FSG report highlights the need for children’s voices to be heard, with 86% of professionals agreeing or strongly agreeing that the voice of the child should be considered as standard practice. Only 4% disagreed. The remainder neither agreed nor disagreed.

Parents make decisions about and for their children and their best interests, as they are expected to do. But as a society we are increasingly aware of the importance of the voice of the child and the value of their views. We need to listen to what children have to say about their experience of their parents’ separation, the impact upon them and, as family life changes, their views and wishes about those changes and the decisions being made.

In order to hear a child’s voice, parents should consider child inclusive mediation. This can be a powerful tool for children to speak confidentially to a specially trained mediator, who will listen to the child and give them a voice. For parents (and their advisors) it can provide them with a clear understanding of their child’s experience and what really matters to them when decisions are being made and how matters should be resolved.

The Children’s Commissioner Letter

The Children’s Commissioner, Dame Rachel de Souza, has written a letter addressed to parents, outlining the need for conflict resolution and highlighting the importance of the child’s voice being heard. The letter, which would reinforce the advice provided to parents by family law practitioners, should be provided to all clients, irrespective of whether the client is seeking advice in relation to children matters. A copy of the Children’s Commissioner’s Letter can be found at the end of this article.

What can family law practitioners do?

The role of the family law practitioner is changing and we need to take this opportunity to help drive a culture shift, away from adversarial practice towards supported conflict resolution, where children’s views are heard.

In supporting this, the FSG report proposed extending our professional obligations and duties to the children of the family, in addition to our duty to our client. This is a significant step for the profession, but one which 92% of professionals and parents surveyed agreed should happen.

Family law practitioners have a choice to educate themselves about the long-term consequences of unresolved conflict, rather than ignore it. They have a choice to help educate their clients about the welfare of their children and the need for children’s voices to be heard, rather than thinking it is not their place. They have an obligation to explain fully to their clients all the alternatives to an adversarial approach, rather than revert to old habits or assume that mediation won’t work, for example.

Family law practitioners should now consider the recommendations within the FSG report, to reflect upon their current practice and consider how they could implement the proposals. Failure to do so ultimately means that they will be contributing to failing children now and the adults they will become.

Our commitment to our clients and their children

At Teelan & Silwal, our aim is to support our clients to reach a resolution and to ensure that children are placed at the centre of any decisions made. In our continued commitment to our clients, we will continue to educate ourselves, continue to support our clients and their children, and continue to reflect upon our practices.

An easy starting point for anyone wanting to do the same is to ask, “how will this decision affect the children?” This will help remind the client and the family law practitioner of who ultimately will be impacted by the decisions made and help family law practitioners to look beyond the parent-client in front of them, and to consider the child of the family, rarely seen but who must be heard.

The Children’s Commissioner’s Letter can be found here: https://www.childrenscommissioner.gov.uk/resource/letter-to-separating-parents/

If you would like to discuss matters relating to your children, then please contact us.